Dear Bunrni,
I‘m still in love with an ex-boyfriend. We grew up and went to school together for three years. On and off, we were a couple. We broke up two years ago, but ran into each other from time to time.
We’ve seen other people since our break-ups. I’ve had other serious partners but I always find myself comparing them with him. They just don’t seem to match up, so my relationships end.
We broke up because we were young and I took advantage of my boyfriend’s good nature. We split up many times, but I always know he’d have me back. I was selfish and I didn’t consider his feelings. He forgave me every time – until he’d had enough and ended our relationship.
I regret everything I put him through. He was funny, clever, good-looking and always there when I needed him. He was everything I could ever want in a partner. I’d do anything to turn back the clock.
So when my best friend told me recently that he asked for my mobile number, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Should we try again?
Winifred, by e-mail.
Dear Winifred,
Not on your life! Now that you’re having a tough time finding the partner you need, you’re idolising your ex, who was very far from right.
This former boyfriend might be the nicest, kindest and most handsome bloke in the world, but you couldn’t sustain a relationship with him.
This wasn’t because you were young. The relationship failed because you didn’t want it to succeed. The breakups allowed you to vent your anger on a man whose embrace you sometimes found stifling and unwelcoming.
His always begging for another chance was flattering, walking all over him was a thrill. Eventually, the worm turned.’
He may foolishly be tempted to take you back again to have a last fling, if he realises you’d like to undo some of the hurt for which you were so often responsible. But don’t.
We need to walk away from repeatedly and hopelessly broken relationships, not try again and again to fix them!
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